A late-night gabfest by over two dozen US Senators ended with the Democratic Senators declaring war against the weather. The normal legislative process was bypassed with Senate authorization granting President Obama Executive Order authority to use all “necessary and appropriate force” against those whom he determined “planned, authorized, committed or aided the “Global Warming attacks.”
One Senator on the chamber floor was overheard to have said, “It’s the weather. It’s mucking up our Global Warming initiative.” Another said anonymously, “That Storm Front must be dissipated at any cost,” indicating that higher taxes were in order to wage a full on assault.
The Authorized Use of Military Force Against the Weather is expected to hit Obama’s desk immediately unless he is, of course, on the course, golfing. “We’ll probably send it to him there, but he may want to use the autopen from the 19th hole,” said Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid.
Opposition to the Executive Order authorization was nill as the all-night jammy party was exclusively for Democratic Senators and their aides, Chipotle, lobbyist, gophers, bankers, interns, bundlers, and occupiers and fellow progressives from Media Matters, Daily KOS, and the Huffington Post, as well as George Soros, Van Jones, Valerie Jarrett, Ron Podesta, David Plouff, Cass Sunstein, Anita Dunn, Piers Morgan, Alec Baldwin, Martin Bashir, Anthony Weiner, and Ted Kennedy. In case you’re wondering about Ted Kennedy. He’s still around keeping an eye out for “his” Senate seat.
The text of the Resolution reads as follows:
Authorization for Use of Military Force Against The Weather (AUMFATW)
The Authorization for Use of Military Force (AUMFATW) Pub. THC. 420, codified at some number and statute or another and passed overwhelmingly by the Liberal Statists Senate on March 11, 2014, authorizes the use of United States Armed Forces against those responsible for the attacks on Global Warming. The authorization grants the President Executive Order authority to use all “necessary and appropriate force” against those whom he determined “planned, authorized, committed or aided “the Global Warming attacks,” or who have harbored said persons or groups in denial of Global Warming or in attacks attacks thereof. The AUMFATW is to be signed by Barrack Hussein Obama as soon as the Democratic Senate members wake up from sleepy time and can get it to his desk, or the golf course, whichever comes first.
To authorize the use of United States Armed Forces against the weather and those responsible for the recent attacks launched against Global Warming.
Whereas, since the earth was created 4.5 billion years ago, acts of treacherous violence were committed by the weather against Global Warming incantations and its alarmist tin-foil hat wearing left-leaning citizens; and
Whereas, such acts render it both necessary and appropriate that the Liberal Statists exercise their rights to self-defense and to protect Global Warming alarmist tin-foil hat wearing left-leaning citizens both at home and abroad; and
Whereas, in light of the threat to the national insecurity and the non-existent foreign policy of the Liberal Statists posed by these grave acts of violence and the weather; and
Whereas, such acts continue to pose an unusual and extraordinary threat to the national insecurity and non-existent foreign policy of the Liberal Statists; and
Whereas, the President has authority under the Senate’s permission to abuse Executive Orders to take action to deter and prevent acts of international terrorism against the Liberal Statists and Global Warming alarmists: Now, therefore, be it
Resolved by the Senate and the Liberal Statists of America in Congress duly assembled,
Section 1 – Short Title
This resolution may be cited as the ‘Authorization for Use of Military Force Against The Weather’ or the ‘War on Weather’. (WOW)
Section 2 – Authorization For Use of United States Armed Forces
(a) IN GENERAL- That the President is authorized to use all necessary and appropriate force against those nations, organizations, or persons he determines planned, authorized, committed, or aided the terrorist attacks that have occurred by the weather, or harbored such organizations or persons, in order to prevent any future acts of international terrorism or weather or Global Warming denial against the Liberal Statists by such nations, organizations or persons.
(b) War Powers Resolution Requirements –
(1) SPECIFIC STATUTORY AUTHORIZATION – Consistent with section 8(a)(1) of the War Powers Resolution, the Senate declares that this section is intended to constitute specific statutory authorization of an Executive Order or Orders by way of within the meaning of section 5(b) of the War Powers Resolution.
(2) APPLICABILITY OF OTHER REQUIREMENTS – Nothing in this resolution supersedes any requirement of the War Powers Resolution with the exception of Presidential Executive Orders.
On March 11, 2014 this Senate Resolution passed in the Senate unanimously, but not with a roll call vote. The vote totals in the Senate chamber were not available as nearly half of those in attendance had fallen asleep at their desks.